Disruptor Syndrome VII — Connecting Your WiFi

This article is an excerpt from Disruptor Syndrome by Jessica Carson. Read more about Disruptor Syndrome and other excerpts at the end of this article. 

Connecting Your WiFi — Separation v. Resonance

What can I get out of my relationship with you?

Will you be a valuable business contact? Enviable romantic partner? Connection to a higher social circle? Teacher of something I need to know?

At the bare minimum, will you at least send good memes?

Don’t lie. We all do it.

And we offer the same surface level niceties in return. The occasional invitation to happy hour. The likes on Facebook. The text on their birthday. And of course, the thoughtful tagging in relevant memes.

We keep ourselves mostly separate. Comfortable, convenient, but easy to disconnect from.

But there are fleeting moments in every relationship when we achieve true connection.

When we connect to each other’s WiFi, click into place, sync to each other’s systems, and buzz with blissful confluence. When we peek into another dimension of flowing, undistracted, and selfless connection.

But those moments are the exception, not the rule. In most relationships, we barely scratch the surface on the connection’s real value.

The greatest value-add in a relationship is simple.

It’s the use of another human as a mirror for the self. A tuning fork. A tool that offers reflective access to our true nature. A free resource to test our energy, vibration, and resonance.

Far from a woo concept, resonance is a very real phenomenon. And it’s one of the most potent identity-forming technologies in human history.

So what exactly is resonance?

Have you ever had days when everyone wanted to be around you? Followed by days when people cancelled plans, wouldn’t sit next to you on the train, and abandoned half-finished conversations?

It’s because you made people feel a certain way through your proximity to them.

It’s called emotional contagion, also referred to as limbic resonance. And it’s very powerful reflection of who you were in that moment.

Our nervous systems aren’t self-contained. We pick up contagious energies in our proximity. We catch energetic colds and highs. We have a built-in API that lets us download other’s emotions “in the cloud.”

Like the mono of psychology, limbic resonance is the ability to exchange and attune to deep emotional states of others through the limbic system.

We are in resonance when we measurably sync-up with the people we’re around. When we reflect each other’s deep emotional states through shared physiological rhythms.

Disruptors are especially prone to the positive and negative effects of resonance.

Innovators, entrepreneurs, and influencers are energetically potent by nature. It’s a job requirement. The ability to manifest something from nothing requires uniquely awesome energy.

Their energetic potential is intoxicating. Which is why disruptors are so often desired, followed, mimicked, and idolized. Everyone wants “just five minutes” with you. Everyone wants a piece of your magic.

But on bad days, the disruptor’s potential for positive energy can swing equally strong in the opposite direction. The funk is felt. The negativity is palpable. So the disruptor separates, detaches, and isolates.

This contradictory nature leaves the disruptor in a state of identity confusion. Who am I? Am I the positive producer I was yesterday or the negative narcissist I am today?

So resonance can be used as a tool to quickly remedy this identity confusion.

Philosopher Michael Foucault said, “The soul cannot know itself except by looking at itself in a similar element, a mirror.”

While meditation, journaling, and dream-analysis can act as mirrors for the self, resonance is one of the easiest and most available methods. The identity becomes brilliantly reflected when we tap into this technology.

Tuning into resonance gives us instant answers. What good or bad energy we’re giving off. What subconscious messages we are sending out. How we make others feel, for better or worse. How we can rapidly course-correct, adjusting our words, thoughts, and behaviors to find positive resonance.

So be the energetic role model. Be the WiFi everyone wants to connect to.


Refining Your Signal — Align, Adjust, Aspire


There are four big things I’ve learned about resonance & disruptor identity:

-Disruptors are energetically powerful
-Resonance allows other people pick up on your energetic state
-Disruptors have a potent ability to affect other’s states through their strong energy
-Disruptors can harness and adjust their energy by tuning into resonant states

Here is my three step recipe to maximize resonance for your greatest potential:

1. Map Your Positive Resonance — Align
2. Map Your Negative Resonance — Adjust
3. Map Your Ideal Resonance — Aspire


1. Map Your Positive Resonance — Align

Let’s play a game.

Imagine yourself on one of your best days. A day when you were a rockstar and everyone knew it. When people battled for your attention, dates knocked down the door, and you felt like Beyonce and/or Jay-Z.

The first step is to map your positive resonance. How do you make other people feel on your best days? Put yourself in their shoes. Do they feel loved, inspired, energized, or hopeful? List the top 3-5 feelings.

With this list, write one sentence about what these positive resonant qualities say about you.

Example
How do you make others feel on your best days?
– Inspired
-Understood
-Optimistic
-Excited
What do these qualities say about who you are?
-I can be an inspirational leader and teacher.

2. Map Your Negative Resonance — Adjust

Okay, part two. Not quite as fun, but important.

Imagine yourself on one of your worst days. A day when you were the wet napkin version of yourself. When you put grumpy cat to shame. I dunno, you might have even made a child cry.

The second step is to map your negative resonance. How do you make other people feel on your worst days? Do they feel sad, exhausted, hopeless, or unappreciated? List the top 3-5 feelings.

With this list, write one sentence about what these negative resonant qualities say about you.

Example
How do you make others feel on your worst days?
-Unworthy
-Stupid
-Frivolous
-Unappreciated
What do these qualities say about who you are?
-I can be judgmental and critical.

3. Map Your Ideal Resonance — Aspire

Finally, now for the fun part.

In your perfect world, how would other people feel around you? If you could make another person buzz with any set of feelings, what would they be?

The third step is to map your ideal resonance. How do you aspire to make people feel? Try not to make a laundry list — how can you uniquely make other people feel? Listen to your intuition.

With this list, write one sentence about what these ideal resonant qualities say about who you want to become.

EXAMPLE
How do you want to make people feel?
– Inspired
-Understood
-Optimistic
-Excited
-Comfortable
-Supported
-Loved
What do these qualities say about who you want to become?
I want to be someone who makes others’ feel inspired, but also loved and supported. I want to develop my inner nurturer.

 

Map Your Positive Resonance: Align Map Your Negative Resonance: Adjust Map Your Ideal Resonance: Aspire
How do you make others feel on your best days?
-Inspired
-Understood
-Optimistic
-Excited
What do these qualities say about who you are?
I can be an inspirational leader and teacher.
How do you make others feel on your worst days?
-Unworthy
-Stupid
-Frivolous
-Unappreciated
What do these qualities say about who you are?
I can be judgmental and critical.
How do you want to make people feel?
– Inspired
-Understood
-Optimistic
-Excited
-Comfortable
-Supported
-Loved
What do these qualities say about who you want to become?
I want to be someone who makes others’ feel inspired, but also loved and supported. I want to develop my inner nurturer.

Disruptor Syndrome

Don’t be fooled: Breakdowns aren’t reserved for your burnout roommate. In fact, the most spectacular freak-outs, funks, and crises are saved for disruptors, innovators, influencers, trend-setters, and go-getters. It’s basically a right of passage. Welcome to the club.
Disruptor Syndrome explores the crisis of meaning plaguing modern day success stories. The disruptor is a powerhouse of psychological and energetic strength — but these rarified abilities make them uniquely vulnerable to funks. Add to this our current work and play climate, and we have an epidemic in the making. But disruptors can capitalize on their crisis unlike any other. They can disrupt themselves.

Check out other excerpts from Disruptor Syndrome:

–  Disruptor Syndrome — An Overview
I.  #FOMO — Novelty v. Commitment
II. Competitive Advantage —
Withholding v. Giving
III. Give Me Your Elevator Pitch — Duality v. Fluidity
IV. Twice-Born Souls — Restlessness v. Rootedness
V. Impression Manager — Perfectionism v. Vulnerability
VI. Era of the Personal Brand —
Permanence v. Experimentation
VII. Connecting Your WiFi — Separation v. Resonance
VIII. “I Can’t Feel My Face” — Dissociation v. Embodiment

I hope this taste of Disruptor Syndrome serves you. Share your thoughts with me — I can’t wait to hear from you, disruptor.

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